


If It's Wrong to Love You

by uliratha



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Bang Chan is a Good Friend, Bottom Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Coming Out, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix are Best Friends, M/M, Minor Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Not Beta Read, Slow Burn, Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Swearing, Top Bang Chan, i will readd explicit tags when it actually starts happening, the explicit rating will come into effect later i promise, they switch too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:20:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28745385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uliratha/pseuds/uliratha
Summary: His mind races more than his face lets on. He glances at the other 7 members in the board room just briefly. This plan seems way to farfetched to actually work...right? He looks straight at Felix. An unreadable expression lays on his face. Chan looks back down. "I want my boys back together again. It was my fault we didn't stay together in the first place. And if Felix is okay with this...I will do it if it can bring the eight of us back together again."or alternatively,Chan feels responsible for the disbandment of Stray Kids and he sure as hell will do everything he can to bring them all back together again, if its the last thing he does.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 17
Kudos: 125





	1. Prologue: Life is so unkind

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii. Welcome to my first Stray Kids fic since entering the fandom! I guess you could say I am a baby stay, who knoooooooows.
> 
> This prologue is just a short taste of what is to come. Actual chapters will be much longer and written in the present tense. I felt it was necessary to write in the past tense for the prologue though so please bare in mind to tense changes in the future! 
> 
> Update schedule is tentatively once a week, depends on how much inspiration and I may post more than that some weeks! Please enjoy :)

****PROLOGUE** **

Living off the highs of a concert all but make up for the stress of the idol business for Chan. Yes, he was tired and but damn, the rush of performing just did it for him. The encore, where the boys did their final bow, he could look over and see the other seven members had felt the exactly same as him. He found himself not sleeping for hours, the music still pumping in his ears and that was when he found true solstice in creating. Creating music for those fans in the crowd that scream the lyrics and jump up and down to the beat just as they did on the stage. He didn’t know that concert was also his last one as a member of Stray Kids.  
  


Okay, so it goes like this.  
  


It’s been a few years since the boys have been at the top of their game. As per most idol groups, majority reach their peak in their second and third years then slowly dwindle due to the next new shiny group that debuts. It was the unfortunate reality of the business. Chan knew this. He had seen it with his seniors, slowly started noticing it with Stray Kids in their sixth year after JYP finally decided to take on another boy group and now…well. Now he is here.  
  


Because they were a self-producing idol group, the success was able to last a little longer, he supposed. They had more free reign, more power over what they could potentially put out. Did a lot of songs get rejected over the years? Yes, yes of course. There were probably hundreds of songs in their hidden discography but their company did not think full length album comebacks should be _every_ comeback either. Okay, so admittedly, they did not have as much control as the group wanted.  
  


Chan knew Stray Kids still had loyal fans, ones who did not want to see them go and disband from idol activities. He knew his members did not want to leave each others sides just yet at that point, they were still young and in love with the thought of success and pride. Entering their seventh year, they all knew that contract extensions would start appearing in their emails. Better (or worse, he wasn't sure at the time) yet, other companies were coming to him in questions of contracts as well. All but flattered, Chan knew a talk was needed between all eight of them before they were even in contact with their own representatives and lawyers.  
  


Everyone was on the same page. Stray Kids were eight. If they wanted to live to see more years as a group, they would have to have a majority signing an extension. Unfortunately, they also all had demands.  
  


All good things do come to an end. It was inevitable.

* * *

Chan was up late again last night, but what was new. He never did stop producing songs, albeit at a slower pace than when he was with Stray Kids. Now an independent producer, he contracted himself to other companies to do exactly that. He had to admit, he was glad he could still be creative in the music space to a high regard - when he did not resign his contract, that was what he was most terrified of. The imagination of not being able to do this just because he was not an idol was daunting.  
  


He often thought about why he did not sign again with JYP. They were good to him, for the most part. They were good to his members, again, for the most part. Looking past the overworking of them as a group, they did have it fairly good compared to other groups in the industry under other companies.  
  


His main reason for not signing an exclusive contract for another couple years was simple. Chan was far from selfish and when he realized how much he would be paid compared to some of the other members, he had to nope the fuck of there. It just was not fair. He knew he did do a little bit more in terms of the process, along with Changbin and Jisung, but the others also had their hand at writing and choreographing themselves once they really had their foot in the door. Apparently, that did not really matter and that, of course, did not sit right with Chan. So when he decided not to resign, the other seven followed suit.  
  


That was not necessarily what he wanted. In hindsight, he thought the company wanted him and if they wanted him, they would have to sign all the members to very similar numbers. Wrong, so so wrong. His plan backfired and it still ate him up to this day. The other members never did find out why he was the first to decline. So in the end, Chan might have been a lot more selfish than he wanted to be…thinking he could have everyone on equal and fair playing ground. Stupid. He has always felt so stupid.  
  


It really has only been a year since their disbandment. It was not something well taken by the public. For months, Chan had to answer to calls, interviews and the like, because he was the leader. He had to take on the burden, especially with what ended up happening in the end. He told everyone else he would handle it and they should not worry about having to release more than their final statement of goodbye. To the end, Chan had made sure his members were treated with the utmost respect and care.  
  


Chan thought about them sometimes, his former members. Scratch that, pretty much all the time. His life was full and he was happy, no matter how much stress he had as an idol back then. But now…now he was alone. More alone than he ever has been in his entire life. He used to fall asleep and wake up to snoring from the bed next to him. He used to walk into the common room and there was always some sort of ruckus going on. He used to be excited to travel with his band-mates to a new country or city and experience that with them. He used to have fun with the members outside of comeback or tour season. He used to do a lot of things, really.  
  


He occasionally reaches out to Changbin and Jisung, to run some tracks past them, that would not change. And just a few months ago, he got together with Jeongin for a cup of coffee and a cake, just to catch up with his maknae.  
  


He had not seen Minho, Hyunjin, or Seungmin since they all moved out of their dorm. It truly wasn’t Chan’s fault or that is what he told himself. They all moved back to their hometowns for a while to live with their parents, set themselves up for more contract negotiations while not having to deal with the stress of Seoul. But, he knew all three were back in the city now. And yet, he still had yet to see them. The guilt ate at him, especially after finding out. He was their Hyung, he had to be the first to reach out.  
  


And Felix. Where would or could he start with Felix. Felix was the person Chan felt the deepest regret for all of this. Felix, the boy who had everyone wrapped around his finger in the group. Cuddles, he demanded, cuddles he got. Food, outings, you named it, Felix got it, no matter who he had asked. And Chan ruined it all for him.  
  


Chan considered him his best friend, his little brother. And he let him down on a personal level of keeping the group together. This was all Felix wanted in the end. And yet, all this time, him and Felix kept in touch on a normal basis. Felix, the shy boy who was afraid to put himself out there alone, was doing it in the world. His boy was doing solo activities. Chan was beyond proud. He had secretly produced more than several songs for him because he felt he always did know Felix best. They’ve never saw the light of day though. And Chan did not dare tell him he had songs for him, he was not ready to truly face him in the musical world, as strange as that sounded.  
  


He shook his head and brought himself to reality. Chan’s mind had often dropped himself off in a far away place in his brain and when he comes to, he never knows how much time had past. Suffice to say, Chan missed it all.  
  


While he poured his maybe third cup of coffee (yes, he drank coffee now), his phone rang. He did not bother to look at the caller I.D.  
  


“Hello, Chan speaking,” he answered quickly. He started to fumble around his small kitchen, almost bumping into the stove handle, only to be looking for the sugar.  
  


“Hello Bang Chan-” Okay, he has not been called that for over a year, considering that was technically his stage name. “This is Minyoung from K. Park’s office calling, how are you today?”  
  


Chan furrowed his brows. His lawyer was calling him, seemingly randomly, on a Tuesday morning. “Ah yes, hello. I have not been in contact with your office lately as I have not needed your services. Should I be concerned?”  
  


Minyoung chuckled quietly, “I know, I deeply apologize for disturbing you on a Tuesday afternoon, however, something rather urgent has come up in regards to a certain company, JYP.”  
  


Chan looked at the clock. 2:08. It was the afternoon, the day had already gotten away from him. “JYP Entertainment?”  
  


“Yes, I know this is sudden but we have been summoned to their offices as council for your well-being tomorrow at 11. And well…you are the client so you are needed to be there,” she explained. Chan was confused. “I wish I really could get into the logistics of what is happening but I am just the messenger.”  
  


He clanked the metal spoon he was holding on the kitchen counter and turned around to lean against it. “JYP Entertainment wants to meet with me? I am not sure I understand why but…I guess I don’t have anything going on tomorrow.”  
  


“Great! Mr. Park will be there around 10:30 to set himself up, just tell the receptionist when you get there that your lawyer is already up in the building but I am also sure the receptionist will know who you are so they should be able to guide you soundly.”  
  


“Okay, thank you,” Chan responded. He exchanged goodbyes with his lawyer’s messenger and hung up the phone. His mind was going a mile a minute. His coffee abandoned, he moved to his couch to sit down. He first assumed the meeting would be to discuss contracting himself out to one of their idol groups of a new comeback. But then his phone chimed and a text from Felix came across the screen  
  


_So…apparently Hyunjin, Seungmin and Innie were contacted by their lawyers today…do you know anything about that? I was too…the 4 of us were summoned to JYP tomorrow…??????????  
  
_

_I was just on the phone with my lawyer’s office myself._ Chan replied swiftly. And now his mind was going a million miles a minute faster than it was before. His phone chimed again not even thirty seconds later.  
  


_Weird coincidence or?_ There was an emoji that looked an awful lot like Sherlock.  
  


_Not sure, had a weird feeling about it ‘Lix. But now I really do, what would they want with us after a year? I am sure Minho, Bin and Sungie all got similar summons if we did.  
  
_

_I will see your pretty face tomorrow then, I guess. Can’t wait, it’s been way too looooooooooooong._  
  


Chan had to roll his eyes. He saw Felix last month and in idol times, that is only a couple days. But he guessed he was no longer running on idol clock. And there went his creative spark for the day. The rest of the day, the rest of the night, was pure worry. 


	2. You are the glue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan and Felix are left with a choice. 
> 
> Chan has no idea where Felix's mind is at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you to everyone who kudos and bookmarked based on the first chapter. 
> 
> I know some parts of the story would seem widely impossible due to Korean standards   
> but it is always nice to think what it would be like!
> 
> Please enjoy the first chapter!

Maybe it was the cosmic forces at play, but Chan wakes up at exact 10:10 the next morning. Mind you, he wakes up in a stupor and suddenly, he’s on his ass due to pure panic of being late because he realizes he once again did not make it to his bedroom. It was going to be that kind of morning apparently.

To be fair, he still has lots of time. At least enough time to hop in the shower real quick and try to release the tension in his back from sleeping on the god damn couch for the fourth time this week. As he shampoos his coloured black hair, his mind drifts to his meeting. He feels nervous and that might be an understatement.

When he finishes his shower and trudges to his closet, he stops. He goes immediately for the black skinny jeans but he seems unsure of himself, as if it would be wrong to dress more casually. Picking an outfit for a meeting with your former bosses is just a little bit tricky. He ends up opting for those jeans and a more conservative long sleeve shirt. He’ll wear a jacket anyway, it’s too cold out for the middle of January.

He remembers to check himself in the mirror before he leaves and tosses his sunglasses to cover his eyes. He forgot to charge his phone last night, but it was still on 40 percent battery, good enough to last until he came back. He put in his ear buds and opens the door from his apartment to make his way to the train station. JYP is only a 5 minute train ride away and with trains whirling around on the same routes every 10 minutes, he is confident he will make it without a moment to spare.

Chan drops himself on a seat, looking briefly at the people around him. People may not recognize him now but before, it was much harder to go about a daily routine. Even just to the convenience store was a chore. He remembers one time, not really that long ago, maybe 3 years ago, when him and Changbin went out to get snacks for the long grind session they were about to have in the studio when a couple of fans approached them. It was 2am and they were still recognized as two members of Stray Kids. Chan thought they weren’t sure at first exactly _who it was_ until they approached the idols but they quickly asked for a selfie and to autograph their phone cases _._ Some people just wanted a story or a one-up on their friend _, because I met Bang Chan from Stray Kids._

Yeah, he was well aware of Stays and their impact on their life. Actually, the success of Stray Kids was only attributed to them. Without Stays, they would have been nothing but a disbanded group after a year or two. But he was still just a regular human being at the end of the day. He was privy to the system he lived in. He forgot sometimes he was, quote unquote, famous, even now when he is on the train to the office. Everyone is just having a normal Wednesday. Off to work, class or wherever they may need to be.

Before he even knows it, his stop rings out loud in his ears even with music playing. Ow, he did not realize he was right beside the speaker. He hauls himself up and goes through the already open door. He travels familiar steps to his former employment building and takes a deep breath before reaching for the handle of the front door to the receptionist area.

He didn’t often go into JYPE this way. Most times, it was through the back entrances. More difficult to be spotted in the wee hours of the morning or night, depending on who looked at it. But he was not there as Bang Chan of Stray Kids…He was there as Chan, ready for a meeting of anonymous subjects.

The elevator dings, signaling his stop and when he looks up, there was Hyunjin sitting on the bench, bent down with his elbows on his knees. The younger looks over and his face immediately changes from a look of tiredness to pure joy. “Hyung!”

Chan can’t help but also burst into a big smile. He walks over and Hyunjin is already standing up. They embrace quickly and Chan doesn’t want to let go. He missed him a lot.

“Hyung, I hear you have been really busy,” Hyunjin says low in his ear. His chin is on Chan’s shoulder and suddenly, he moves so his cheek rests there instead. “I thought maybe you forgot about me.”

“You? Never. Jinnie, I am so sorry.”

They separate, but Hyunjin takes his hand, “It’s okay…I understand.”

Chan quirks a half smile. “Any word on when the others are coming?”

“I texted Seungmin, apparently he is already here but I don’t know where. Innie will be here soon, I don’t know about the others,” he trails off. “Apparently these fuckers have no concept of time considering it is nearly eleven and I feel like this is going to be important.”

Chan sees worry in Hyunjin’s face. In reality, none of the eight men had an obligation to be here, really. Their lawyers could all handle it if some of them did not really want to come. He kind of expects one of them to not show up, they weren’t under contact after all. But the elevator dings and all he hears is boisterous voices and screaming.

Chan and Hyunjin glance over to see five grown ass men hanging all over each other like they were children. Chan has sudden deja vu to about the five hundred times he has seen this exact scene play out in the offices. They don’t notice at first that the other two were standing there but when they do, Chan nearly fell to the floor because he was getting tackled.

After all the hugs and ‘I missed you guys’ exchanged, Chan takes a step back to observe the situation. At this moment, it didn’t feel like a moment even passed in his life, let alone a whole year. His eyes flicker and Minho is staring at him. While Minho usually acts tough on the exterior, he can see the emotion in his face and Chan is sure Minho sees it right back in him. It was always hard to avoid Minho’s questioning stares.

“Oi, where is Felix?” Jisung asks, breaking the eye contact with Minho. “He too busy for us or what?”

“He probably had some prior schedule,” Seungmin points out. “He did just release a new music video a couple weeks ago.”

“Too busy for you guys, you must be fucking joking,” a voice calls out from the other end of the hallway.

And all hell breaks loose.

“All right, all right,” Chan states in a rather serious tone. But he looks at Felix and the man is running into his arms at full force and for the second time today, he has lost his breath.

“Chan-Hyung, I am so glad to see you. I thought I would forget how your voice would sound since all we do is message these days!” Felix quips, rubbing the older man’s back. “I am sorry I haven’t had much time for you and our weekly video chats.”

The others scoff and Changbin retorts, “No time for him? He has no time for himself, he barely checks in with us most of the time.”

Ah, Chan feels so guilty in this moment as Felix lets go of him. “If you give him shit, you give me shit too, you got it?”

“Okay, little Yongbokkie,” Minho says, ruffling the younger man’s hair. They all just seem to stop and look at one another. Chan takes the chance to really take in everyone’s appearance.

Minho sports light brown hair, a little longer in a front and has a pair of slacks on with a mostly un-done button up shirt with a white undershirt. Changbin has not changed much, apart from looking a little more chiseled in his arms and legs. He dons a sweatshirt and black skinny jeans. Hyunjin has his thick black hair tied into a small bun on the top of his head, clearly he had been growing it out some again. And Jisung was back to his favourite hair colour, of course, which was blonde. He always did look so cute with blonde hair. But it’s mostly hidden under a cap he decided to wear today. Seungmin has a streak of blonde at the front of his bangs, grown out with a deep brown colour, while Jeongin had his typical brownish-redish hair colour, a sign of no dye in sight.

Felix, on the other hand, looked other-worldly. His hair was ash blonde, long enough to thread his fingers through nervously every few minutes. He also had tight pants on and a seemingly tighter shirt. Not a lot left to be imagined with his outfit.

One of the office doors creaks open and a timid (what looks to be) intern pops her head out. She is startled by the scene in front of her. She purses her lips and then clears her throat. “Stray Kids?”

Chan steps forward and hesitates for just a slight second, hoping none of them noticed. “Ye-Yes that would be us, can we come in now?”

She nods her head ferociously and dips her body into a bow. “Yes, please follow me in.”

It wasn’t long before the eight of them were seated at a long table, beside their respected lawyers. At the front of the table in a rather mundane swivel chair, was a man Chan had never seen before. And while it has not been that long since he had left JYP, he was sure he knew all the people who were in a position of power. Which only meant this man was new and this was not just a friendly reunion for JYP Entertainment’s Stray Kids.

Chan sits closest to him, naturally. His hands are placed together on the table, looking down at his anxious fingers. The man is still looking down at some papers in front of him. It was eerily quiet. Before long, the pregnant pause came to an end.

“Hi boys, thank you for joining me,” The man starts. “I know you do not know me but I hope we will get to know each other in the future. Thank you for coming on such short notice but this is rather important and pretty time sensitive as we have already started setting some things into motion. First of all, please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Baek Byung-won and I am the new division one leader under JYP Entertainment.”

They all drop their heads a few times as a sign of respect and the man continues. “I am quite pleased that I could gather all eight of you today. I hope everyone has had time to relax and enjoy some time out of the spotlight…well most of you. I must be frank, this meeting is of business and I would rather not waste any time with formalities, you must forgive me.

“Chan, Felix, I have contacted your respective agencies and requested personal termination of your contracts.”

Chan’s eyes go wide, then furrow, then look at Felix. He has the same look on his face. “Uh-excuse me abunim, I am quite sure I heard you wrong.”

“No, you did not. Rather, it goes for all eight of you and your contracts with other companies. Chan and Felix, you two had ones that were more…difficult to maneuver around.”

Minho speaks up from the other side of the table from Chan, more abruptly and possibly disrespectful, “Can we know the meaning of this, you failed to mention the reason why you all just forced us to possibly lose our jobs?”

“I was getting to that but I am known for being rather blunt,” the executive chuckles and waves his hand. “Plus, I am sure your mind is leading to one thing rather than anything else if you are sitting in this very room at JYP. Especially since we want to buy _all_ your contracts out so you can work with us again.” There, the bomb.

This time, it’s Changbin who says something, “While this is just all fine and dandy,” _sarcasm_. “With all due respect, what if we don’t want you to buy out our contracts? There is a reason why we left your company to begin with, _sir_.”

“Yes, about that,” he turns to Chan. “Chan, please care to explain your reasoning for leaving our company last year? I think you were the catalyst who started it all, if I recall my notes on your group.”

All eyes are on Chan. He cocks his head to the left to see them all focusing on him. Well here goes nothing. “Being put on the spot like this is…not ideal.”

“Oh yes but it may provide some context to what I would like to share with the class. So please, do go on ahead,” the man signals to the entire room.

Chan sighs and keeps his eyes on his hands. He was normally never nervous in board meetings. He went to them often when he was even a trainee, but this time he was letting out a secret that was never supposed to come to fruition and now he is basically forced into a corner like a scared little puppy.

He licks his lips and begins. “When promotions for our last comeback ended and our contract talks began with all of us, I, as the leader, thought I had to be the first one out of the gate with proper handling of the situation. You guys trust me- well trusted me, to do what was right and at the time, I thought what I was doing was right.”

“I’m confused,” Felix remarks quietly, forgetting he was even there. He pops his hand on his mouth, not meaning to interrupt Chan.

“My demands for being signed were quite simple. We are all equal and I believed, I still believe, at the time that every single one of us here has something inherently unique that we bring to the group. Equals, that’s what I said and I will say it to this day,” Chan declares, looking at his executive. The man gives him a small smirk. “Our old division leader didn’t seem to think so…”

Seungmin gasps and Jeongin looks down. Hyunjin raises his eyebrows and utters, “I think I know where this is going.”

Chan continues slowly, trying to read the room. “If they wanted to sign me back to JYP and Stray Kids as a whole, they had to do it under the pretense that all eight of us received equal contracts and stipends. I argued for days…or maybe weeks, it’s been almost two years ago now. I love you, guys.”

There is yet another silence that falls over the room. Jisung breaks it, “Hyung, the reason you didn’t sign again was because you knew what they were going to offer us as well?”

Chan nods, Changbin claps his hand on the table hard But when Chan looked over, frightened but Changbin looked soft, not angry at all. “Chan, you have got to be kidding me.”

“I know you think we are going to be mad at you but,” Felix wavers. “You were looking out for us, _like a leader should_.”

“But, you all blindly followed me. We haven’t been together, making music, learning choreo, singing, performing…all because of me. I couldn’t stand to know. I would feel sick to my stomach every day for every day of our new contracts, knowing the worth the company had over some of you and not holding us all under the same standards. It was bullshit and now you know it,” Chan exclaims, burying his face on the desk in his hands. He mutters, “I meant to take this with my to the grave. I was selfish and I regret it still to this day, as we are sitting here.”

Jisung looked like he was about to speak but Byung-won spoke first. “Yes, this is what I gathered. After I took over this position two months ago, your group was the first I investigated as to why you were not resigned. Your popularity was faltering, no doubt about that, but your fan-base was strong and your sales were still higher than one should have expected from a sixth year group. You boys as a group actually liked each other, which is difficult in a demanding industry such as this. Jealousy fuels break ups. My point is, I came into this position and my first thought was to get you all back together.”

Chan straightens out, “I know I am selfish when I say this but I refuse as long as those numbers remain unchanged.”

“They are changing,” the man states openly. “They are changing and should I mention, Chan, I am asking you all to sign exclusive three year contracts with us under the same amount of won for all eight of you. Ah, and I personally requested we offer you all more money then that was first offered to just you, Chan.”

“That’s great!” Felix states matter-of-factly. “This is honestly not what I was expected when I came here, though.”

“Can we hold on a second, I really need to think. I am going to do it out loud so we are all on the same page,” Chan gestures to his members and they will nod towards him.

“You contact all of our current companies, asking for us to be released-”

“Under the notion you sign with us, yes. We are not going to force you to leave your current company if you do not wish to,” Byung-won states, directly at Changbin.

“You ask our companies to release us, that will cost a small fortune and on top of that, you want to sign us to even more money than initially offered last year. I actually do not understand,” Chan is 28 years old in this room and he feels like a small child. “I appreciate you realizing what I have known all along but there has got to some sort of catch. Sales quota, PR? What exactly does this entail with us because this just seems like a bad business deal for you if we come back and we fail.”

There, he said it, edgeless and insensitive. There is no doubt to be a catch in this situation, life does not work this way as Chan realized that years ago.

“I must say, your loyal fans will come flocking back but I agree with your sentiments. If we are prepared to fork over this amount of cash, we do expect some numbers. Which is why our division contracted an outside public relations company to focus completely on you for the next year or so,” the executive rattles off. “I am actually going to introduce you to the lead on this in a moment, I believe she is running a bit late but before you sign contracts or discuss with your lawyers…you need to know what you are getting yourselves into.”

Hyunjin sighs, tilting his head to face the ceiling. He was never good with authority when it came to this sort of thing, he usually let his representatives handle it. Chan knew this. Everyone is just looking at each other, trying to read the room. Chan decides to speak up but then the door opens.

“Oh, perfect timing!” Byung-won states, standing from his seat. That prompts everyone else in the room to stand up and bow to the woman entering the room. She had a stack of papers tucked under her one arm and a poster board titled “Stray Kids Strategies” at the top, but everything else was illegible from where Chan was standing.

She reaches the front, beside the division leader and props her poster board on the waiting tripod and sets her papers down on the table beside Chan. She flashes a quick smile before straightening her skirt and clearing her throat. “I am so very sorry that I was tardy for this meeting but I do hope I can provide you with details on how we could potentially handle this situation you are in. My name is Soo Jangmi, please just call me Jangmi. I think I am younger than most of you in the room.”

She bows her head and continues, “I am assigned to your case, I work for Korea Relations Incorporated, one of the leading PR firms in all of Korea, so trust us with your care.”

Chan nods his head but doesn’t say anything. Neither do the others.

“Right, tough room. Anyway, I will actually present our strategic plan to make sure Stray Kids start off their comeback to idol life with a bang!” She raises her right fist in a hwaiting motion. She has a clear red face and Chan thinks she was not meant to do that.

“First off, we have to tease the public with talk of you guys coming back together, which will be easy if you resign all your contracts with JYP. That is the easy part. Your previous fans will be excited but since it has been so long since you have actually made music together, there is a new form of audiences that have yet to even know who Stray Kids are today. Those are the people we have to get excited before you drop your album. Now, what I say after this is all under the pretense that you sign of course…” she trails off and shakes her head. “Since most of you are nearly late twenties into your thirties, we expect your new fans to be around the same age. They should be more mature if we were to break a relationship scandal and put yourselves back on the PR map.”

“I am pretty sure none of us are dating anyone so I don’t think your plan will work,” Jeongin points out, a little shy. “At least I think so.”

Everyone in the room shrugs their shoulders and no one speaks to a current relationship.

“I think you are missing my point. We want to portray a romantic relationship with two of you in the group…with each other,” Jangmi waves her hands in front of her as soon as she started seeing wide eyes. “This is all of course going to be fake and in no way expected to be real! Please just consider this good perceptions. Your international audiences are clearly supporting of gay rights and Korea has done wonders in progressing most thoughts these days as well."

Chan can’t wrap his mind around this idea. It’s actually one of the only things clearly written on the board now that he actually inspects it. Top firm in the country for public relations, his ass.

“I don’t know about everyone else in the room, but I think this is just death waiting to happen before we even come back?” Hyunjin cocks his head to the side, wondering if his choice of words were even right.

“And, I have to agree with that,” Minho points at Hyunjin. “Who are you even thinking of pairing together, this is kind of ridiculous.”

“Well, we went through a bunch of old fan sites…youtube…twitter…” Jangmi looks down at her notes. “There were a few pairings that were prominent back in the day that I think your fans took far more seriously than not.”

He sees Jisung blanch at the words and Chan moves quickly to say something before Jisung says anything himself. “We played that up for fans all the time. You should know as a top relations expert that 90 percent of boy groups were told to act,” he raises his fingers in a quoting motion, “gay. Hell, we were told that was the reason why we were so popular to begin with. I can say with confidence that no one in this group has or never will be in an actual relationship with another member. Regardless of their sexuality, we all know that is awful business and even worse if there was something that went wrong.”

“I must say, you are awfully defense considering this is supposed to be a fake relationship for the tabloids. It shouldn’t affect the group in any way because it is not real.”

Chan rubs his face, “And I hope you realize my defenseness is due to the fact that even though this is fake, these are our lives you are toying with.”

“Let me just continue with my presentation and you can say yes or no at the end, okay?” she sighs loudly. “I completely understand the works of the idol business, I have been working with other idol companies since I graduated and I’d like to think I know what I am doing. Plus, I am not the only one who came up with this idea. We ran it by the division leaders before it was even considered a plan.”

Changbin scoffs and Chan thinks he must not like this new leader. Jangmi maintains her stance and carries forward. “Now, we are definitely considering the pros and cons to who may be in the fake relationship and we ultimately came up with one pairing that would definitely be the least damaging overall to your image as a group than the rest of them. While all would be great choices in their own right, we aren’t crazy either to know that some people on this earth are still homophobic and will do everything in their power to hate you.”

“Can you just spit it out already,” Seungmin exclaims, surprising even himself.

“Ah, please. I am a little nervous as this is the first time I have proposed something to this serious degree,” She looks over to Chan. “I know you may not like it.”

Chan feels directly attacked at that point in time and now he knows he is apart of this apparent pairing. “I will have to agree with Seungmin, please just speak it to existence.”

“Chan and Felix,” she starts. “You two grew up on international soil.”

“Where is this even going,” Felix asserts, in a low monotone voice.

“Ah, what I meant to say is. You grew up in Australia, you’ve been accustomed to alternative lifestyles more so than the Korean-born members, which would be everyone else. If we were to break a relationship between you two, we can play it off as a nature versus nurture thing…people would be more accepting. We know this because we have been doing public polls and studies for the past few months since being approached for the job. This isn’t a pairing out of thin air. We put careful thought into this.”

“I won’t do it, absolutely fucking not,” Chan says. He turns to Felix. He is stiff and unmoving. And he also won’t look him in the eye. “We are not your lab rats, I am not doing it!”

“Chan and I are best friends, brothers even,” Felix interrupts, hostility in his voice. “Our fans would see through it in a second flat and if our fans don’t see it as true, other people won’t either.”

“I will leave the poster board up and I will leave the notes with Chan. This is the end of my presentation, I will take my leave and you can discuss it as a group. We may or may not be in contact in the future so I hope everyone has a pleasant day,” Jangmi ushers herself to the door and she’s quickly gone.

Byung-won, who hasn’t said anything in a while, clears his throat. “This is why I needed you to hear this before you signed a contract because while the money is the same for everyone, we have some conditions as well.”

“I am going to defend my friends here and also myself as a member of 3Racha and tell you that we don’t need some fake relationship to make good music. If the public can’t handle good music, maybe we don’t deserve to be idols anymore, “ Jisung seems pissed off. He clicks his tongue. “As much as I am for gay rights, this is just going to get annoying.”

The division one leader raises his eyebrow. “A proposition for you eight, then.”

“Go on,” Chan dictates.

“How about we test the waters. You boys leave today, not signing our lucrative contract and we throw a feeler out to the tabloids. You two,” he gestures to Chan and Felix, “would just have to do us a simple favour of hanging out together and acting a little more couple-y than brother-ly in the public eye sometime this week. We can call a paparazzi and they can take just one photo. See what the public thinks about it and then you can come back to us and decide. Chan, as the leader of your group, you really should consider this opportunity to get your group back together.”

His mind races more than his face lets on. Chan glances at the other 7 members in the board room just briefly. This plan seems way to far-fetched to actually work...right? He looks straight at Felix. An unreadable expression lays on his face. Chan looks back down. "I want my boys back together again, yes. It was my fault we didn't stay together in the first place. And if Felix is okay with this...I will do it if it can bring the eight of us back together again."

“Excellent,” the man claps his hands together. “We will be in touch. Please contact us when and where you and Felix will set up your date so we can put this plan into motion. We must be on our way but you guys can use this board room to discuss things further if you need, no one else has it booked for the day.”

Chan already feels like he regrets even agreeing. Really, he didn’t even ask Felix if he was okay with it for sure. Hell, they were close but he didn’t even know Felix’s sexuality and if something like this leaks to the press, it basically confirms or alludes to a sexuality Felix may not even have. Nevermind his own.

Pleasantries were exchanged and all of the JYP Entertainment group left, shortly after their lawyers did as well.

“This is so fucked up,” Changbin says right as the last lawyer left the office. “I can’t believe it resorts to this.”

“I feel bad for Chan and Felix,” Jeongin says as if they weren’t in the room. “I mean, it sounds like they expect big things from us if we resign and they want us to go through with this publicity stunt.”

“I don’t even want to know what it would be to terminate our contracts on the basis of failing their terms,” Minho declares. A couple of them nod in agreement. “They really seem to think this is going to work though. An inter-personal relationship with an idol group, it’s never been done.”

“We would be the talk of the town,” Jisung smirks, mostly of sadness, looking at Minho, before trying to shift his attention to Chan and Felix. “I am not saying I expect you guys to go through with it though.”

“I have no problem doing this so called trial, what is the worst that can happen?” Felix still sounds rather bored. “I don’t want to destroy the band before we even get back together officially.”

Seungmin smiles though, “But can you guys believe it? We could be back together again!”

The room erupts into loud cheers of happiness, apart from Chan and Felix. Chan tries to catch Felix’s eye but it’s impossible. He knows its not the most appealing situation to be in. He needs to get Felix alone so they can properly chat about this behind closed doors. He never gets that opportunity though because as everyone starts to trickle out, Felix is the first one gone, nearly running to the door.

Before long, Chan is home and he is in front of his laptop, with a blank piece of paper beside him and a blank soundboard, as if words and hooks have no meaning to him right now. He sighs and propels himself backwards on his couch and groans. This was not what he was expecting of his day. His phone lights up on the table and he pushes himself up to read it.

_hey, so I was thinking we go to our favourite american restaurant we always used to go to and have our date there_

Oh, it was Felix. His ears turn red at the sight of date. He quickly types.

_Okay, that sounds believable. Lix, I really wanted to talk to you before you left today…I need to know what you are thinking. This is obviously a two way street. I know what I said back in the board room about wanting everyone together but I won’t be selfish this time._

He waits a few minutes for a response but he doesn’t get one for the rest of the night. He does get two in the middle of the night, however, when he is long asleep and dreaming of being an idol again.

_hyung, i am scared._

Another.

_this isnt how i wanted to come out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate any kudos and/or comments you can give me.   
> Please forgive the un-beta'd mess, I don't have a beta at all :(
> 
> Until next week! :)


	3. Not so stray anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan and Felix have their date.
> 
> Felix ends up at Chan's apartment at the end of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who kudo'd and commented on the last chapter!   
> I am posting this much earlier than I would because I am not sure I will be around during the week to update my "normal" schedule I set in my head for Thursdays/Fridays.   
> I am having fun writing this so I may end up posting another chapter this week anyway. Until then!

Over the course of the last two days, the Stray Kids group chat was stronger than it had been in years. Apart from shameless self promotion from each of them and the congratulations that followed, the chat was pretty empty. Mind you, everyone was booked and busy to different degrees so it was understandable. Now, every morning Chan has woken up the past couple of mornings, he had been flooded with messages. And that is saying something, considering Chan never gets more than five hours of sleep and wakes up around 10 in the morning.

He scrolls aimlessly, stopping occasionally to look at the selfies they were posting. Most of them were just having fun and Chan could tell that all of them wanted to be together again. He wanted them to be together again.

Felix and him agreed to meet tonight, Friday, at the restaurant. There was a small discussion if one should pick up the other because it was date etiquette… but then they quickly remembered that it wasn’t actually a real date they were going on. So they settled at meeting fifteen minutes before their reservation.

Chan was not nervous, why would he be? They have hung out hundreds of times and they weren’t afraid to show a little physical affection.

Since the place was not exactly the fanciest, Chan picked out a rather simple outfit, one he has worn plenty of times and one of his favourite sweatshirts. He sets it down on his bed and decides to take a shower sooner rather than later. The steam fogs up the bathroom quickly, the water scorching. Just the way Chan likes it. He steps in and does his thing.

Over the course of a few hours, he starts work on a new song, promptly titled “Skz new title??”. He has not really thought about making music for the group for a while so he felt a little off his game. Considering most of the songs he has been producing lately has been for female groups (yes, far different from his usual but Chan wanted to step outside his comfort zone), he hasn’t even made songs for himself to release.

But sometimes, when he doesn’t have a deadline, he starts, edits and finishes songs for Felix’s solos in record speeds that he would never actually hand over to the younger. It felt too personal and way out of line since they weren’t working together anymore. He wouldn’t even want to know Felix’s reaction if he knew how many songs he has banked for him. Chan shivers with a sense of cringe.

He settles on some chord progressions that may prove to be useful for their potential album when the alarm of his phone goes off, signaling an hour before he should leave for the restaurant. He can’t say he was really ever in a groove, usually that happens when he is at the studio but he didn’t have it booked today or for the past couple of days previous. He wonders if he should be booking time more frequently and invite Changbin and Jisung along if this whole…thing…was going to pan out.

He quickly gets dressed and places a little bit of product in his hair. He does have to get some concealer to place on his eye circles, they were looking particularly bad today. Usually he would not go through too much trouble when meeting a friend but knowing his picture was going to be taken, he did not want to look like a sack of potatoes, either.

He calls a ride share and before long, he is standing outside the restaurant. He does have his hood up and sunglasses on so he isn’t spotted right away but then he sees Felix sauntering up in the most extra outfit he has possibly ever seen on him that was not on stage. He has a sparkly black top on with a see-through back and tight leather pants on with chains hanging off both sides. His eye makeup reflects his outfit, smoky and glittery. His hair is also styled to a perfection and Chan might be afraid to touch it to know how much wax may be in there.

“Hi Chan-Hyung!” Felix radiates a positive atmosphere. “I thought this was supposed to be a date, not a hang out. Where is the effort, bub?”

Chan hangs his mouth open in shock. “I thought we were keeping this low key. I put on some makeup, see!”

Chan takes off his glasses and shoves his face closer to the younger’s. They stare at each other directly in the eyes and its the most eye contact the two of them have held in over a year. Felix clears his throat and grins. “Oi, Chris. No need to get so defensive, I was just playing. You know I have to keep up my appearances when I am out and about.”

Chan flips his sunglasses back down his nose and scoffs, “You look like you’ve come off a runway and I actually do look like a sack of potatoes…which was what I was avoiding, so thank you.”

“Calm down, Hyung. Let’s get some food in you, you seem grumpy,” Felix smiles and starts walking away fast, afraid to get pulled in for the prod. Chan shakes his head and follows him inside. He motions to the server and tells them about their reservation. She mentions the wait shouldn’t be too much longer and they should sit tight. When he is walking back to Felix, he does overhear her say something along the lines of “Oh my god, is that Lee Felix?”

The two of them make small talk until the same server comes over with two menus and directs them to their seats. They were to sit at a half booth and Felix made a move to sit there first so Chan decides to sit on the actual chair in front of him. Chan picks up the menu and stares at it.

“Oh, don’t look at it like you don’t already know what you are getting,” Felix teases. Chan sticks his tongue out. “And take off the damn hoodie and glasses, I want to look at you better.”

Chan obliges and does just that. He bites his lip and looks back down at the menu. “I might be up for something different, I haven’t been here in a while, you know.”

Felix nods, smiling slightly and looks over to the side. His face moves in a contorted manner and then kicks Chan’s shin slightly so he could get his attention. He subtly knocks his head to the left and nearly all the staff are in the back kitchen, staring at their table. Chan just laughs, as if they were trying to not be obvious. “Well, it’s off to a good start, maybe we don’t need that paparazzi to begin with when these staffers are going to be taking pictures of us together anyway.”

“Wanna bet 1000 won there is already about 10 pictures of us on Twitter together?” Felix jokes.

“Not taking that, because it’s going to be true. I don’t even want to look at my mentions right now,” Chan quips back, stifling a laugh and a glance back at the kitchen. He turns his attention back to the boy in front of him and Felix is just grinning. Talking with Felix is comfortable, even when talking about such an awkward thing like this so called date they are on.

“So what should be talk about,” Felix starts. “We never see each other face to face much anymore. I kind of can’t wait to be back with the group again.”

“So we are doing this thing?” Chan asks. “We’ve been out together for less than twenty minutes and you are already convinced its going to work?”

Felix hesitates for a second. He wasn’t expecting a strong response, Chan realizes. He bows his head but Felix does end up saying something.

“I know this is going to sound weird, we haven’t even been asked for our orders yet. But, Chan-Hyung, as much as I don’t want to do this because its wrong, I also want to do it because its right. We have six others counting on us to get our acts together literally. I know you haven’t acted apart from those really creepy skits and some music videos back in the day but I have dabbled…” he trails off for a second. “I can be really convincing and we are already close friends, it won’t be difficult to pretend our natural skinship is more. We just have to tone it down with the others and lay it on thick with each other instead. Oi, when we actually do this thing. I’ve thought about this plenty already.”

“What can I get for you guys today?” A waitress appears at their table, her hands shaking a little but ready for their orders. Chan blinks as if he was in a small trance with what Felix just said. Felix orders his usual, a huge plate of fries and gravy with a chocolate milkshake. Chan opts for his usual too. A cheeseburger with all the toppings and a diet coke. Felix gives him a knowing look and Chan just scoffs, pretending to be offended. The waitress writes down their orders and she scurries away, as if the men in front of her scared her.

“So have you thought about it?” Felix questions.

“I mean, it was hard not to. I am still really pissed off, if I am honest. As if we couldn’t comeback without a major scandal, or whatever this public relations firm wants to call it. I really do think its crazy that this division leader thinks this,” he motions between the two of them, “has to happen for us to be successful again.”

“But?”

“But, as long as you are okay with it…so am I,” Chan sighs. “I just…this means a lot of things. Implications they didn’t really think of apart from us faking a relationship. This effects everyone around us, not just the rest of the members. We have to think about our families being involved, the overall perception…coming out…it’s a lot all at once and not just some tiny thing.”

Felix nods. Chan knows he understands. While they have never directly talked about their sexual orientations, other than the eluding text he received two nights ago, he had a feeling it wasn’t going to be easy for Felix. He’s soft and vulnerable and hates when people talk badly of him. And this is the stepping stone to a world of hate, even when the world around them is changing their views.

Chan has also never outright spoke his sexuality into existence other than with Changbin and Jisung, one night late in a studio years and years ago. They had been brainstorming concepts and the suggestion of a love song came up for a ballad on an upcoming album. One thing led to another and Chan confessed he wasn’t sure he could make a love song the public would actually like because his sexuality wasn’t exactly…heterosexual. Chan remembers there being a long pause before Changbin rests his hand on his one shoulder for support and Jisung had bent down in front of him and informed him that he was actually gay. They never did end up making that love song in the end.

He does think Felix should know his though and he questions Felix’s as well, because there isn’t just two types of sexuality “anymore”. They knew each other very well, but there was always some things you do not tell your brother, after all.

“I am terrified of coming out,” Felix whispers quietly. There is no one else around their table for now but he covers his mouth in case anyone could lip read in this situation. “It’s been difficult leading a life of lies, pretending to be in love with girls when all I really want is a boy. But, maybe this is my chance to face my fears and if this doesn’t work out, I can always return to Australia. I know I would be accepted there. I am almost 26.”

Chan rubs his eyes and takes a deep breath in. “Felix, you should know. I don’t identify as straight either.”

Felix cocks his head, mouth open a little, face just a tinge pink. Chan continues. “I like…people. I don’t really care of their gender. I’ve had feelings for both men and women…it’s confusing.”

“Oh, that’s not confusing!” Felix exclaims, moving to take Chan’s hand on the table in his own. “Maybe it will be good for us both then…to not…you know, lie to ourselves just because we are in the spotlight.”

Chan grimaces but strokes his thumb along the side of Felix’s hand. “Yeah, maybe.”

They both jump apart when the waitress returns with their drinks. “I am so sorry for the wait, we had a small mishap with the blender for the milkshake and uhh…yeah.” She turns quickly and she’s gone again, her face showing clear signs of embarrassment.

They turn their attention back to each other, but they don’t reconnect their hands in the middle of the table again. “Can I ask why you ran out of the offices so quickly the other day? I thought we really should have talked alone. I jumped the gun when I said I would do it and I know I said as long as you did, I would too but I still felt guilty. Like I pressured you into this or something.”

Felix stares at him, long and hard. He wipes his mouth, having just taken a swig of his milkshake and thinks for a moment. “I was upset, yeah. And I didn’t want to face you. You didn’t need to feel guilty, I did say there was nothing to lose, right?” Chan shakes his head in agreement, but not quite convinced because Felix literally just said he was terrified. “There you go, it’s fine. To be honest, I left quickly because I didn’t want to face any of the members, not just you.”

“Why is that?”

“Well. Please don’t get offended,” Felix pleads but furthers on. “They all know I am…you know. You were the only person I didn’t explicitly say I was to because…I was afraid you would take on too much of a burden knowing something like that in the group.”

“But-”

“I know, I know. You know about Jisung,” Felix sighs. “I don’t know… I just thought you might have been way more protective over me and I didn’t want that. I can handle myself.”

“Felix, you are my best friend. I don’t care about-” Felix raises his hand.

“Please don’t judge my past decisions. I am stupid for even thinking that way, I have realized that in the past couple days…even tonight,” Felix reveals. “You didn’t really say anything either and I don’t want to call you a hypocrite right now.”

Chan can tell he is joking but there is something somber about this moment. “To be honest, only Binnie and Sung knew about it. I tried to put everyone first and I might have communicated something really late in the studio one night that I never meant to say outright. So, don’t take it personally either.”

Felix acknowledges this and toys with the straw in his cup. “Well aren’t we just good at keeping secrets from each other, ha.”

Chan looks down and ends up with his face in his hands. He groans slightly before Felix is kicking him again for the second time tonight. “Bro, stop.”

Chan gasps and furrows his brows, “We shouldn’t keep secrets from each other. Never again, Felix. You got it? I won’t judge you, you won’t judge me and especially since we are starting…whatever thi sis. We have to be honest with each other always.”

“This shouldn’t last much longer than until our comeback anyway,” Felix squawks. “But okay, I will promise to tell you everything, no matter what.”

“Thank you-”

“And don’t you go hiding secrets from me either!” Felix says loudly. Chan laughs.

“I won’t, don’t worry your pretty little face,” Chan slips out. “Don’t go falling in love with me, you hear?”

“Fall in love with you? Ha, you are funny, Hyung,” Felix smirks. “I should tell you the same thing, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah. I think I have got that covered.”

They continue their meal with more small talk, mostly updates about the other members the other may not have heard about. He realizes just how close Jisung and Felix were when Felix mostly talks about just him and his mind wonders for just a second to the reaction Jisung had in the board meeting to pairing members up.

He couldn’t help but question a past relationship between the two, especially if they knew about each other’s sexual orientations. Even if it was to blow off steam, considering hooking up was few and far between for them all. Felix gave him a knowing look for the second time tonight, as if he could read Chan’s mind word for word.

“Don’t even think it, Chan-Hyung,” Felix points his finger at him. “Didn’t happen, won’t happen.”

He feels as if Felix was going to say something else but refrained. Chan rose his hands up, “What are you even thinking I’m thinking? I am thinking nothing!”

“Mhm. Don’t worry, I am only yours,” Felix flutters his eyes at him, facetiously. Chan can’t help but burst out into laughter. “What, don’t like me flirting with you?”

“If you think that’s flirting, we may need to hire you a professional,” Chan says playfully.

“But seriously. I made no moves on other members,” Felix puts his hand up. “ I swear it!”

“Even if you did, that was none of my business. You could have hid it well,” Chan mentions.

“You were the leader, you should have known if there was any funny business between us! I mean, maybe you didn’t know everything…” Felix ponders. “But I was a good boy!”

Chan shakes his head, Felix was just a little ridiculous in this moment but he couldn’t help but be fond of him. He realizes he is staring once Felix moves his head from side to side, trying to catch both of Chan’s eyes. “Earth to Chan.”

“Ah sorry, I was having a bit of a moment.”

“Yeah, I could tell. Should we head out? I think we’ve overstayed our welcome at this point,” Felix denotes, eluding to the staff members of the restaurant who were _still_ staring at them. Chan concurs and he waves for the bill. And without second thought, he is paying for the meal. “I will grab it next time then, Chan-Hyung.”

They walk out into the brisk cold after spending over an hour at the restaurant. Neither really move once they hit the sidewalk. Chan briefly sees a man with a camera on the other side of the street and now he feels as if its go time. Felix seemed to have seen the same man and they look at each other. “Well, let’s do this.”

Chan reaches his hand out, waiting for Felix to take it. When he does, Chan analyzes the warmth in his hands and just how soft they were. Those hands made Chan feel self conscious of his own, knowing they were littered with callouses and overall rough skin. Felix didn’t seem to mind though and moves to intertwine their fingers and tugs Chan along to start walking god knows where.

Chan feels hyper-aware in this situation and tries not to think on it too much. Felix tries to make him feel a bit more comfortable, cracking random jokes or pointing to a pigeon on the side of the road that was pecking for food in a weird way.

It was not much longer before Felix whispers in his ear and tells him to be calm. Chan wasn’t sure what he meant in that moment before, _oh._ They had stopped in a place the paparazzi could see them in a perfect angle and Felix moves slowly from his ear to the side of his chin and places a firm kiss to it. Chan breathes out shakily and then Felix moves to look Chan in the eyes.

“Think they got that?” Felix murmurs, smile on his face. Chan sputters on the spot but nods anyway. Felix moves away from his face and continues to lead them down the sidewalk. “I don’t even really know where I am going.”

“I’ve just been following your lead,” Chan says, chuckling slightly. “Should we give them a real story? You wanna hop in a ride share back to mine?”

Felix laughs kindheartedly but agrees. He calls for it and while they wait, they kind of just stand there and look at each other. Felix breaks the small silence. “Wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“No, not the worst.”

* * *

Felix spends the night at his place, just to keep the tabloids on their toes. He gave Felix a change of sweats and full use of his bathroom to get rid of the date make-up he had on. He also insisted Felix take his bed and Chan the couch because…he seems to always fall asleep on the couch anyway. At first, Felix refused but it didn’t take much convincing as the younger was very tired by the time he was ready for bed.

Chan had issued a goodnight and closed the door behind him. He decides to work more on the potential song for Stray Kids before he inevitably falls asleep as well.

The next morning, he fumbles awake. He can hardly concentrate his eyes on the ceiling above him and he may have fallen asleep again for a couple minutes before he realizes why he awoke in the first place. Felix was in his kitchen, making what smells to be of coffee and Chan grins lazily. Coffee.

He raises himself up off the couch into a sitting position and checks his phone. It was only 8 in the morning. Ugh, Chan hasn’t seen eight am in…well a long time unless he was up until then to begin with. His phone was nearly dead and with the amount of notifications he got the night before, he understands why. His phone probably never stopped lighting up the entire time. He scrolls through the useless ones first and settles on the Stray Kids group chat next.

He fingers his way to the top as to not spoil himself of the end of the conversation. The first thing linked was pictures of Felix and him in the restaurant, posted by Dispatch. Okay, not a surprise. However, it was posted basically as these were happening in real time in the group chat so the tabloids left no time and immediately released the photos.

He reads the chortles and text wolf-whistles of his other members, joking about their date. He can’t help but laugh. He sees Jisung even say, _Wow, they won’t even respond to us, maybe they really are on a date!_

The last couple messages were stemmed from a different tabloid, probably the one actually contracted for the job. The title of the article was “Not so Stray Anymore!” with the two men extremely close, probably taken right before or after Felix’s chin kiss. Further down the article, there is a small picture of both of them climbing into a car together. This was posted not even an hour ago so the article was curated to the needs of the PR firm, clearly. Not everyone responded, too early yet. Hyunjin was the one who posted it in the group chat. He saw Felix responded too, with a cool guy emoji and _I’ve done my job, where is my payment?_

Chan quickly started typing. _IDK about you but I think I deserve something too, no? What do you guys think? Convincing enough, or what?_

Chan moves to plug in his phone, deciding to look at it more sometime later. He saw a message from his mother and he wasn’t really prepared for that conversation yet.

“Ah Hyung, did I wake you?” Felix says as Chan walks into the kitchen. Chan waves him off.

“I like getting up early sometimes,” Chan lies through his teeth and Felix tuts.

“Wrong, don’t lie. We promised no lying,” he states jokingly. “I’m sorry for waking you up and helping myself to your coffee…which by the way, why do you have?”

“Oh, I drink it now sometimes. Energy drinks were only doing so much and the taste of coffee isn’t the worst. My palette has evolved,” Chan jokes. In actuality, he only drinks coffee when he wakes up now. “Please make me a cup too. Some sugar and milk, if you don’t mind.”

Felix turns back to the coffee machine and maneuvers around Chan’s kitchen like he knows exactly where everything is. In reality, Felix has only been here a handful of times so he wonders to himself if the placement of everything in his apartment is just so predictable or Felix just happens to be very smart.

“I guess I need to make my walk of shame soon,” Felix begins as he sets Chan’s coffee down in front of him on the small kitchen island he has. “Maybe I should mess up my appearance a bit, _really_ get them talking.”

“I think you are fine,” Chan says, flustered. He feels weird talking about this. The implication that they had sex, that is. “You are wearing my clothes, that’s enough.”

Felix agrees. “I have a schedule in a few hours so I do have to go home. I do appreciate your bed though, it is more comfortable than mine. Or maybe it’s just because it smells like you.”

There is a halt in Felix’s voice and quickly moves to try to rectify what he just said. “Ah, I mean, I don’t want to be in your hair. I already must be annoying you for waking you up so early on a Saturday morning!”

“No trouble, Lixie. Maybe it can be the start of a new routine for me. After all, if this whole thing pans out, I am going to have to get used to waking up early again. Those god awful music video times can be the death of me…didn’t miss those,” Chan complains and Felix just snorts.

“Tell me about it, I am still waking up this early even though I finished my promotions two weeks ago!” Felix proclaims, with a solemn look on his face. “I just want to sleep in until noon, please, I beg the Gods!”

There is an easiness that Chan feels when he is with Felix. A deep sense of relief that it was him he had to do this with than with any other member. And don’t get him wrong, he loves all of his members equally, but he always felt like he was at home whenever he was with Felix, even now when they don’t see each other every day like they used to. He contemplates if Felix may feel the same way as him but Felix was always afraid and shy to share outright declarations of feelings with his words. He was much better in the physical side of affection.

He watches Felix as he picks at his thumb with one hand and scrolls through his phone with the other, a hot steaming cup of coffee beside him while standing on the other side of the island from Chan. He smiles fondly at the younger man in front of him and has the sudden urge to come up behind him and hug him. So he sets his coffee down, moves behind him and does just that. Felix melts into the contact and sighs happily. “No cameras around, Hyung.”

“Just felt like doing that, let me emote in peace,” Chan murmurs into Felix’s hair, soft from conditioner. Felix does, wrapping his own arms around himself and on top of Chan’s. They stand there a moment, in silence and bask in each other’s warmth. “Missed you lots, you know.”

“Sorry I have been so busy, I don’t mean to be,” Felix whispers. Chan nods and snuggles his face into Felix’s neck. “As long as the public takes to this fairly well, I think there won’t be much missing going on between any of us any time soon. We may even get sick of each other.”

“Did we get sick of each other before?” Chan ponders aloud. “I never did.”

“I think we got annoyed at each other sometimes. Or a lot, depending whether we were in comeback season or not,” Felix breathes slowly. “Never sick of you, though.”

“Mm, good,” Chan says as he releases the younger. He moves back to the other side with his coffee. “Now, I do wonder how people are taking it. Pictures from last night have been posted, I know you saw.”

Felix nods. “Actually, that’s what I was looking at my phone for. Byung-wonnim texted the both of us, I assume with the way it’s been addressed. They want to meet with us as soon as possible. I already said I couldn’t today.”

Chan’s breath hitches and he is left to wonder if their acting was up to par or they just effectively destroyed both of their careers with a single move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please comment what you think, I will be responding to everyone!   
> And kudo/bookmark if you are wanting to be kept in the loop with updates!  
> See you next week~


	4. Time Ticks, Nothing Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan and Minho have a discussion. Chan knows he is being more stubborn than he should be but he doesn't have an explanation for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> First of all, I am sorry for the long wait.  
> If you don't care why, continue on ahaha.
> 
> And if you do,  
> I had written close to triple the word count for this chapter but I was unsatisfied with the flow (due to time jumps - days at a time jumps, nothing major)  
> and so I just cut this one really short in hopes to rectify my brain hating the chapter for the next one.
> 
> So, I know this is lacking hard, but I hope to get myself (and Chan ;)) on track for next chapter!  
> Please enjoy :)

It’s eight in the morning and Chan has no where to go that day.

The day the executives wanted to meet with Chan and Felix did not actually work out for either of them. Chan had the excuse that he had to be at the studio. Deadline. Big major deadline like for a huge comeback album for a group that gained traction and earned Rookie of the Year last year kind of big major deadline. He had to hit the nail on the head or he might even be blamed for them not continuing their success as a group. While Chan was used to the stress of working on a timeline, it still never left him completely satisfied with his ending work that he sends off at the end of every deadline either.

Felix, on the other hand, had three variety show tapings that day. Chan had received a couple texts off and on throughout from him, mostly complaining about having to sit in the makeup chair longer than actually wearing the makeup for each shoot. As much as Felix loved the attention, he was also quite shy and actually kind of hated getting ready cause it just caused his thoughts to fester. 

There was a time Chan remembers about Felix. They had a twelve hour schedule that day; interviews, YouTube videos for some small magazines and a variety show. Felix was okay at first but by the time they were on set for Idol Room, Felix had a small breakdown. Chan was the first to his side, trying to calm him down, relax his muscles and slow his tears. Felix would not let go of Chan, no matter who spoke to him and they had to delay their original taping by almost an hour because the younger could not get outside of his head. 

“What if I am never good enough?” That was all Chan recalls Felix saying, over and over again. There was still that sense of instability, even after he made the cut for the final lineup. Chan always seems to recall the unhappy moments at the worst times. He remembers everyone else looking on with a sad expression but no one could seem to do much help for Felix other than Chan. 

Obviously Felix grew more confident, dare say a little cocky at times, but he was still that sweet ball of sunshine everyone knew him to be. Chan just messaged him back every time with silly responses, thinking about how Felix would react to them. 

Their lawyers ended up going back to collect contract papers for them instead - yes, their first rendezvous seemed to have been a success. The trial run of Chanlix, that is. That is what the magazines were calling them, an ode to American gossip magazines, as if Korea’s were much better. According to Chan’s lawyer, they still want to do some mundane postings about them. Nothing too risque or even a statement from either one of them. It was all about keeping up appearances.

There was a celebration in the Stray Kids group chat. All eight of them were really excited to be together again; Chan hoped there would be no bad blood between him and any of the other members but Chan also liked to overthink himself as well. Every single one of them texted him privately, saying they had nothing to even forgive him for, in so many (Hyunjin) or so less (Changbin) words. It was kind of a relief that the thing that Chan dwelled on the most was, in reality, not even a concern to the rest of them.

The papers were already drawn up from the first meeting they had with JYP. But the executives also knew that it was going to be a signing one and done that day. There was convincing there, especially on the leader’s part, for this to come into place and for Stray Kids to exist once more under the JYP umbrella. That meant Chan and Felix were soon to contractually meet up for these strategic paparazzi shots at least once a week, exclusive to only their contracts. That was what the fine print said. All the way up until their comeback and then, if the PR team thought it would help, (yadda yadda, statistics, polls, Chan has to yawn) they would come out as a couple right after the album dropped. 

Which is daunting in itself considering neither one were actually out of the closet either, so it would be killing two birds with one stone. 

After they come out as a couple though, is where the contract stops. Not stops as in ends, but stops as in, there is no end for this relationship according to the contract. Now, that is what freaks Chan out a little. Yes, him and Felix are close but having to pretend to be together already seems difficult enough. Are they meant to be together for the three years they sign? What happens when Chan and Minho have to enlist? After all, they were the oldest and coming up on 30. Can they “break up” amicably shortly after promotions and people will still be interested in them as a group? Will they just know it was a giant PR stunt from the get go?

He has so many questions and yet not enough time to even consider asking them himself. He does have his lawyer get in contact with someone on the firm to discuss exactly what this open-ended contract means for Chan. He has to at least know how long he is meant to keep this up for. Because as much as he loves Felix and he loves his members, he really hates lying.

It’s nine in the morning and Chan still hasn’t signed his contract.

It’s Minho he ends up with a little later. Chan didn’t want to leave his house per say but he hauled himself out of bed when Minho messaged him about meeting up. He assumed it mostly had to do with business; after all, Minho was in charge of the choreography and dance ethic overall. He’s also pretty sure Minho is keen on signing again but everyone was waiting for Chan. He had a pretty successful YouTube following now, posting dance covers as well as originals. The oldest is envious he can share with the world without as much stress.

His contract long forgotten on the kitchen table, Chan leaves and meets him at an inconspicuous coffee shop not far from his apartment. Odd, Chan has never been here.

Minho was already waiting, steaming drinks sitting on the table in front of him. He had a mask on and a cute beanie, forest green colour. He was tapping away on his phone but looked up as soon as Chan sat down. Minho closes his phone, gives his hyung a once over and just stares at him, blinking.

Chan stares right back. After what seemed like at least one minute, they still hadn’t said a word to each other. It takes a few more moments before Chan sighs and chuckles a bit. “We haven’t changed, have we?”

This causes Minho’s face to soften considerably and he shares in his laugh. “Mmm, we really haven’t. I’m not sure what I would have done if you of all people changed. Leader and all.”

Chan nods and Minho smiles again, mostly with his eyes. Chan and Minho had an underestimated relationship. In fact, they were probably the closest to each other in the group apart from Chan with Felix and Minho with Jisung. Maybe it came naturally, as they were the oldest and often had the most responsibilities, especially taking care of the kids. Or, maybe their friendship was easy and their expectations of each other were the same.

With the initial ice broken, they catch up on the mundane things. They had not really spoke all that often for the past year but knew they both kept up with each other’s work. The silent support was always appreciated, everyone was doing their own thing. After Chan nearly burns his tongue not once, but twice from the hot coffee, he sees a shift in Minho’s demeanor and there is a still in the air. Chan can tell he wants to say something.

“Out with it,” Chan teases. “I can nearly read your mind word for word you are thinking so much.”

Minho fake gasps and grabs his chest. “I am thoroughly offended, hyung!” He does take a moment to consider. “Well, we really should speak about this whole…contract situation.”

Of course Chan knew it had something to do with it so he gestures Minho to continue, valuing the younger’s opinion.

“Right so…are you going to be okay with it?” Minho stumbles. “You don’t need to make such a massive choice just because it involves the other 6 of us. That includes Felix making that choice too, by the way. You saw how I was at the meeting, I don’t think it is very fair on you.”

“I know, Min. I just feel like it is my responsibility. I sunk our boat once, I’m going to try to do my best to save it this time. And God bless, Felix, really. I know we are best friends and acting like a couple is going to be rather difficult, but we can stick it out a few months. We will be fine, Min.”

“Here is the thing, are you really? Channie, you know we love you and we already know how much you’ve done and how much you would continue to do if given the chance. We don’t need you to do this. If we are all in agreement, maybe we can eventually sign together again somewhere else. It doesn’t have to be right now. You saw how excited everyone was. We could be excited again in a few years, it doesn’t have to be right now,” Minho offers, looking solemn.

Chan chews his upper lip and considers his words carefully. Minho was right in some sense, it seems as if the timing of it all didn’t really matter. Schedules would probably never align if they were all in different companies. Case in point, this last year. So, this is the perfect opportunity, its been decided. “You know I still haven’t contacted my lawyer to go sign the papers, right?”

“And you know everyone is following your lead, hyung,” Minho says gently. “No pressure.”

“Ah, no pressure,” Chan chortles the joke. “I think I need to explain myself though. I could really use a talking to.”

Minho sets his head in his right hand on the table, blinking rapidly. “Okay, hyung.”

“Okay so, of course I am not hesitating about the fact that we could all be together again. But you didn’t see my contract…it’s so…open-ended?” Chan questions. “I just fear we are going to be stuck in this lie longer than necessary.”

Minho hums, as Chan continues on. “Felix and I have an unbreakable bond, I will give us that. I don’t think this is going to actually affect our friendship. He is already so affectionate, I don’t think I am going to complain about a little more attention than normal when we are in front of cameras.”

“I assume Felix feels the same way?” 

“Assumption correct. When we had that first fake-date or whatever you even want to call it, we did have a proper discussion about it. And the repercussions that come with it. Namely, the both of us having to publicly state our sexualities. This was before we actually read the contract though and he has been more than a little busy. He thought it wouldn’t last much longer than our comeback. He still seems interested though, whenever we message each other. I know he doesn’t know I am hesitating.”

“Shouldn’t you really talk about it? Felix would make time for you, you know that. And everyone knows you barely sleep as is. He could come over at ass o’clock in the morning and you’d still be awake from the day before,” Minho points out. “As much as I appreciate you wanting my advice. My advice is simple. You think you are self-serving because of what has happened in the past but you know what? The past is the past for a reason.”

Chan looks up to the ceiling and takes a breath. “I’m beating around the same bush. I have been for the past couple of days.”

“I’ll put it bluntly then. As long as you and Felix are okay with acting more than friends in front of the cameras for a little bit,” Minho pauses. “Or longer, as we aren’t sure…then just sign the fucking papers, dude. You said it yourself, this won’t affect your friendship so why are you so bothered? Maybe you are being selfish now, not signing when the rest of us want to.”

Chan’s eyes widen, his worst fear realized. He is not sure why he is so bothered, he really cannot answer Minho’s question without giving a non-answer to begin with. He just has this weird feeling about it all, but he doesn’t express it. “You’re right. I will try to speak to Felix tonight.”

“Good. Now I will demand constant updates on 3racha’s music, I want to start penciling down some moves that might work well with the beats you have!”

Just as they haven’t, some other things do not change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment what you think on the chapter or what you think is going to happen! I would love to hear early theory crafting ;)
> 
> See you soon!

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by a fic I read yeeears ago (6-7+?) about a fake relationship in a similar instance. However, I don't remember the name or author :( Some of you may have even read it! I haven't read it since I first did but I do know the beginning may be fairly similar!
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me and please comment what you think!


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